Heal on; your story isn't over yet.

Kids are gone and the anxiety is high so instead of cleaning like I should be I’m working on the new halloween line 🎃👻🙃

My house is too quiet with the big three at summer camp.

And Kira almost came home last night because she missed home so much. But by the time I got to camp she had fallen asleep so we are reevaluating today and seeing how she does.

On the one hand I miss her. On the other hand I know if she comes home Rosalind will want to come home right after she does and it’ll become a whole waterfall.

But I won’t force her to stay if she wants to come home. 💕

Since it’s not liking the idea of nine individual photos, here’s one layout one with a little updated family spam ❤️

Anonymous asked:

What are your favorite memories with your kids from the last few months (or since you last regularly posted)?

I’ll answer for each kid::

Gideon– watching his team win the championship for his baseball team. Watching him slide on home plate for the first time and dirtying his pants. All the snuggles. Going to events together and just enjoying the one on one time together.

Kira– her little love notes and drawings she leaves around the house. Watching her dance recital. Listening to her read nibbles to her baby sister. Watching her earn 20 dollars all on her own by talking to other vendors about buying a scrunchie to buy that same nibbles book all by her self.

Rosalind– watching her vault in gymnastics like a pro. Watching her teach callie how to cartwheel. Riding her bike and laughing with her friends. Listening to her tell me all about her walk with dante and all the new friends in the neighborhood. The sweet way she wanted to rescue all the kittens needing homes at the pet expo.

Callie- finally being potty trained. The way her face lit with joy when I brought her home a dino backpack for preschool. Watching her sing the dino stomp from her car seat. Her little voice when she says I love you mama.

Watching them all light up all of spring break with every new adventure we took.

👋👋

It’s been…. two years? Since I last even posted here but I was feeling a little nostalgic and Tumblr was such a part of my life for so long.. I just… decided I was going to do another little update even if I’m the only one who will look at it.

Let’s see what’s happened since January 2022…

I lost two major friendships. Which at the time felt pretty heavy and hard. One was a childhood friend for over 15 years and the other was my business partner for over 8 months. It was… a weird March through August in 2022. I miss the friendships but I also. Am content. If that makes sense.

I officially added combination ADHD to my list of anxiety, depression and complex PTSD. I added a stimulant to the med cocktail after trying a non stimulant for over a year. It’s too early to tell for sure but I’m fairly sure it’s helping already. It’s been crazy to look back at all the things I did or didn’t do and how much could have been different had I been diagnosed younger but it’s been relieving to know a why too. I’m still in therapy weekly which is helpful. Some days I get frustrated knowing I am still needing therapy weekly. But at the same time I know I’ve got a lot of stuff to get through and that healing isn’t linear.

Still got the purple periodically, cut about 8 inches off my head, got bangs, finally got glasses, and I got my nose pierced. Oh and I turned 30. So that’s fun. I’m still sewing and still doing almost weekly events for Caffeinated Stitchery Co. Which is equally exciting but also terrifying and honestly– I’m not sure what 2024 is going to look like business wise because this year has been…rough. I’m not making the sales I need for the effort I’m putting in and that’s just.. hard. It makes me feel like I’m failing which. Is a whole different conversation for another day.

Zach got a promotion which was mostly good. It made our health insurance go up through the roof which as you can expect not ideal for a family of 6 but he loves his new role and that is more important even if we are broker. 🤣 he did try to give me a huge scare last month when we ended up spending three days in the hospital because they found multiple pulmonary embolisms in his lungs. Thankfully we found them before they killed him but… it was and is still terrifying. He’s doing okay but the recovery is long. A lot longer than I expected it to. We meet with some specialists in August, but it doesn’t feel soon enough.

Zach and I are doing good. It’s been a long road and lots of challenges, lots of conversations and growth. But I can happily say we are stronger than we ever use to be. Which is good because 2022 and 2023 were not kind to us. My grandma fell and had to have spinal surgery July 2022. She’s needed around the clock care ever since. I’ve been on a doula hiatus pretty much since then just to help her. And one of my best friends was diagnosed with brain cancer in April 2023. She’s undergone 2 brain surgeries and starts radiation tomorrow. So I’ve been helping a lot with her and her four kids and family as well. Zach has been pretty supportive of it thankfully and we are just kind of taking it day by day as we can around here.

Let’s see what else is new around here.

We got a dog. His name is Dante and he’s the freaking cutest. I’ve tried to post a photo of him twice now and so I’m typing this out without any photos to see if the photos are why I am trying this for the 3rd! Freaking! Time. He’s a wooly husky (ish) and he loves bones and digging holes and sleeping in his cave under mom and dad’s bed. He likes playing husky hoodini and taking long walks anywhere. He hates people and loves car rides and is basically just perfect.

Kids are all getting way too big.

Gideon is going into fourth grade this fall. He will be ten which is quite frankly not allowed. He has an iep now which has been a learning curve but good and we may be getting him tested for some learning disabilities stuff in the fall. He loves Pokémon and fortnite. He is so curious, loves to cook and cuddle. He loves baseball and playing with his baby sister. He is such a sweet soul and I seriously am so freaking lucky to be his mom.

Kira got diagnosed with a heart condition– left ventricular non compaction. Which is quite the mouthful. Thankfully it’s not effecting function so for now we just visit her cardiologist and get full workup once a year. She is quite the little artist. Always drawing, coloring, reading, doing her makeup. She loves to dance. She is quite the big spirit, but with the spirit comes really easily bruised feelings. Which means we spend a lot of time talking about our feelings and how we feel. Which isn’t a bad thing. That girl is going to run something when she’s bigger I can already feel it.

Then there’s Rosalind. The girl who is never not upside down. She loves her cartwheels and back walk overs and is constantly trying to perfect the next gymnastic move. She’s also a huge animal lover. Always wanting to take the dog on a walk or be with the cats. She loves math and being silly. She is always outside and building something. Her imagination runs wild. She is less determined than her twin, but don’t let that fool you- both of them are going to be quite the duo in their 2nd grade classroom next year.

Which brings us to the smallest but certainly won’t let herself get forgotten– Calliope. She loves all things dinos. She loves to steal snacks and tell you all about her latest dinosaur song or bluey catch phrase she’s learned. She loves to laugh and to be held and she’s quite the little mama girl.

She starts preschool in the fall and I am ready but I’m also not because she’s my baby and she won’t let me call her that anymore as she’s “a big girl” and I’m not okay with it.

We took the kids to Disney and Universal this spring and that was pretty cool. I mean we passed a stomach bug around the whole 24 hour drive and the 2 days after we got there and then I ended the trip with a trip to urgent care, a double ear infection and the rental van got a flat tire less than 3 hours before we were suppose to leave BUT the rest of the trip was pretty good. They loved it and that was the most important part.

Otherwise I think that’s about it around here lately. I think. The bigs leave for camp tomorrow which will be weird. The house is going to be too quiet with just C and the dog all week. But I know they are going to love it.

(Let’s see if 3rd times the charm around here 🤞)

I’ve tried to post a super long 2 year hiatus update on here twice and neither time it went through. So that is awesome.

Originally posted by itsgottabepizza

Anonymous asked:

How are you and your family doing?

Well 13 days into 2022 we got covid, even fully vaccinated and with boosters

So there’s that I suppose.

Anonymous asked:

Do Rosalind and Kira have American Girl dolls? If so, which ones? What are your kid's favorite toys?

They do. They just got them for their birthday. I can’t remember which ones they are though.

Gideon loves anything Pokémon, all things Nintendo switch and Mario and space.

They all love magna tiles.

Rosalind loves puzzles and her dolls and climbing on pretty much anything she can.

Kira loves all things art and babies and dolls and dress up.

Calliope loves her play kitchen and her little people and her horses. And bluey.

Anonymous asked:

Is there anything people can do to help you and your family?

Uh good thoughts mostly. Keep checking in. I’m getting a little nervous about Christmas gifts but the kids get spoiled by other people so of we can’t buy much I know they will still feel loved and I don’t want to take away from someone who needs it more

So I’m up at 2:30am at an overnight and figured what better time to give a little life update than now since well– I can’t seem to sleep through all the little baby noises anyways.

So life. Where to start.

I got bangs. My hair is purple. I’m still knee deep in therapy and we are starting the process of being tested for ADHD. Which I have about 4000 different emotions to. But if it helps with this forgetful, impulsive aspect I’ve got going on right now– even just to give it a name it may be worth it.

I’m working two jobs plus being the whole stay at home mom gig. My sewing business has been taking off– we’ve sent mail to 37 states in six months. Which is awesome but every penny I’ve been making has basically gone back into supplies. Which is also awesome but makes me nervous about actual like how are we going to make enough to make this actually profitable. I’m still doing the doula gig (hence the overnight) but I’ll be honest I’m definitely currently feeling some major burn out. I’m not sure why but unless I’m like physically at the birth or like at the postpartum, I’m struggling to find the joy. I can find it in the moment but its just… a lot of emotional energy that I just don’t have like I use to right now. But we need the money (if for nothing else but to pay for more materials for my sewing.) So I keep chugging along until I can either decide a better boundary or a better opportunity falls into place or the sewing business starts really taking off and actually pays for itself. I’m usually either working, mothering, being smothered with love from koala Callie, sewing, or reading smut.

Zach has been going to counseling. And it’s been good. We’ve been good. I’ve been annoyed with him. But I think that’s a me problem not a marriage problem. I’m just annoyed at everything right now. It’s like my inner child wants to throw a 2 week temper tantrum and anyone in her way is going to be a problem.

Kids are good. We have a REED meeting for Gideon next week to work on an IEP and learning plan because he is struggling so much in school. He loves cooking though and will talk your ear off about all things Pokémon and monkeys and loves his elf on a shelf friends who come in December. He’s such a good snuggler and always so helpful.

Kira LOVES to draw. Give that girl a box of crayons and some paper and she’s good for hours and she’s good at it too. Like really really good.

Rosalind has been loving puzzles and playing with her friends and telling me all the stories. They are both so creative and so sassy. They are both loving and thriving in kindergarten this year and I’m loving watching them turn into tiny human beings.

And last but not least is Cal. She is talking up a storm now. Loves horses and unicorns and cake pops and using her mom as a jungle gym. She’s such a spoiled little tator tot and she knows it.

Cats are good. Gerbils are good. Mental health is a little… jiggly. But you know. Life 🤷‍♀️

Did a thing. First we dyed it purple. Then less than 24 hours later did the bangs and the layers. So that’s fun.

Anonymous asked:

Tricia, are you OK?

Ok is a relative question. Things are a little crazy. My mental health is a little… wild. But we are still paddling. 😬

Last year my therapist gave me homework to define who I was.

Because for the longest time I didn’t know. I could give you roles and shoes I filled and the responsibilities I took on. I could give you all the things I could do to help someone else. And I had this urge this morning to expand on it this year as I have learned more about myself in the last year than I have ever learned about myself, probably me entire life. I guess you could say all those years of therapy are finally coming together.

It may not have seen like it from the outside looking in, but writing that post last year I was still very much in the goo stage of my butterfly. 27 was a rollercoaster of a year. Perinatal mood disorder ravaged my mental space to the point I spent 10 days in Mother Baby and then I was parenting in the middle of a pandemic, we had decided homeschooling was our temporary best decision from our family, I went thru med changes and withdrawal and the end of a nursing journey with bleeding nipples (and an eventual lip tie diagnosis). And yet I somehow still grew. Our family grew. This year was some of the biggest growing pains our family has ever experienced. My marriage. My kids. Myself.

I joke with my therapist quite a bit I feel like I’m in transition, 8cm without an epidural and I can feel the finish line. I know I’m not there yet. I know I still have pushing. But I can feel that I am not just goo anymore. I can feel the itching in my shoulder blades for wings to take off.

I am learning boundaries aren’t a four letter word and self care isn’t selfish. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to my story and some are only there to eat popcorn Michael Jackson style. With a little help from PT I’m learning to figure out my place in my body and listen to what it’s trying to tell me.

I fight for my tiny humans and realized I will forever be their biggest cheerleader and their biggest advocate. It’s OK to go full 90s mom sometimes and it’s okay for them to be bored. And we can have fun and lazy days and both make me a good enough mom.

My marriage went from two 20 something kids to two adults owning their mistakes, finding tools to grow, who lean on each other, actually communicate and are a team in this parenthood journey. Watching him sweep the floor and help me carry the day to day parenting heaviness is something I don’t think will ever not be sexy to me. I am so hopeful to see what the next ten years may look like.

I still drink more coffee than I should and wear it like a personality trait. But I don’t see that going away anytime soon.

I am a growing seamstress and I have never felt more “am I over my head or am I just enough crazy” than I do searching fabric and planning drops and finding healing in the seams.

I am still a bomb doula. And I love my job something fiercely and will talk your ears about Oxytocin and taking care of our families and perinatal mood disorders.

I still love too hard. My love for reading has grown since I found booktok and once upon a time I’d be embarrassed at what I was reading- but I’m reading again and after so long were I couldn’t focus on a single word I’m done apologizing for things that at the end of the day are small unimportant details.

I ask for help. I am finding a voice. I’m learning to not hide the trauma and grief but also not let it rule the world. I’m learning I am loved, I have friends and family who love me, and I while I still struggle with taking up space some days, I know that I deserve the space I take now, that I am still healing and growing and that is going to be enough for now. And that I can only become a better me, better mom, better wife and better person as I continue to push thru this transition before I can fly. ❤

slfcare:

x

(via my-adventure-begins-here)

roselilacs:

• Go for quality over quantity- spend the extra money on sturdy, well-made wooden furniture pieces rather than Ikea when you can. Second hand stores are a great and inexpensive way to do this.
• Decorate with the seasons- change up the accessories to match with the time of year and holidays and they will always feel fresh and welcoming.
• Put out a vase of fresh flowers or a potted plant- I recommend seasonal flowers that you found in your garden to save money. Dried wheat works best in the fall and pine branches in the winter. Be creative!
• Make things for your home- crochet a throw blanket for the couch or show off your embroidery in a frame! It will give the house character and offer something to talk about when a guest comes over.
• Bake cookies and bread frequently- is there anything better than something fresh out of the oven?
• Have different lighting options- after the sun goes down, lamps and candles can create cozy ambience that overhead lights often don’t.
• Keep it tidy but not “cold”- clean up after yourself but don’t obsess over it. Focus on making good memories in your house and cleaning up after so that you have space to make more good memories. If you have a bunch of papers lying around, even putting them into piles makes it look better.
• Make it comfortable- this is especially important for places where you spend a lot of time like your bed. Pay attention to the textures of fabrics (are they soft on your skin?) and how plush everything is.
• Surround yourself with beauty- choose the art you decorate with carefully and make sure it evokes good emotions and memories. Authentic pieces that you got from a local artist or on a fun vacation will always have more meaning than something that was mass produced.

(via i-must-have-flowers)